So, I've decided. I would like Luke to stop growing up now. Just stop. Stay three months and almost two weeks forever. Stay tiny and adorable and so so sweet and sleepy forever. Stay the perfect size to fit into the 0-3 month AND the 3-6 month sleepers forever.
I told Jimmy yesterday, I don't think he will ever like me quite as much as he does right now. He stares at me with straight-up adoration, people, and it feels nice. I don't want it to stop. Ever. I imagine him being a rebellious 13-year-old sneaking out of the house to throw eggs at the neighbor's car, or being a back-talking four-year-old telling me I'm stupid and mean, or being a mouthy eight-year-old having a meltdown at Target because I said he can only get one GI Joe. (Or whatever little boys play with nowadays. I'm clearly still living in 1987.)
I don't wanna. Nope. I want him to always be this way. Pretty selfish, I know, to have a baby and then demand that he just stop growing up to suit your own needs. I hear ya. But I don't care. I want him to be my little baby forever and ever. Amen.
I mean, seriously. He is too cute. He is perfect. He is all smiles at whatever I do. I am super-mommy. I am coolest lady ever. I am so original and so hilarious and so pretty (what? I can tell he thinks I'm pretty. Got a problem with that?). I am the best bestest best Mommy ever. And I know this isn't going to last. It doesn't last. Right?
Already, he is learning how to play, just a little, without me. Already, he is getting a tooth. A tooth, people! His little gummy smile is disappearing ALREADY! It's too soon! My books say he shouldn't teeth for a few more months! How dare he skip ahead! Already, he is no longer sleeping with me. I moved him downstairs this week, and I have to say, while it is a better scenario for everyone involved for many different reasons, it still seems like it is just too independent. Too much too soon. Shouldn't a little baby be pressed up with his mommy all night? What if he needs me? How can he really survive on a different floor from me?
Turns out he can. Oh, he still needs me. He still needs me lots. But I can look ahead and somehow see a time he will not. I can see what he might be like past his babyhood. Smart and strong and fierce and probably still sweet. He's probably ask me adorable questions in his adorable voice. He'll probably just grow on me more and more. That's what I tell myself, and these good days will just lead to more and better good days.
But it's hard to imagine a time better then this time I have right now.