Five years ago this week, where was I? What was I worried about? What was going on in my head?
Let's take a look. Bold parts are added by the older, wiser me.
As I was waiting in the hallway for my interview, (a lady who I haven't really spoken to since), gave me some interesting news. Apparently, (publication I now sometimes work for) wrote the head of the J-School and asked if he would recommend anyone for a spring internship. He met with (aforementioned woman) and (Mr. Funnybones), my favorite professor. They picked me. They kept stressing how this is a great opportunity... And it is. It's New York City, a place I grew up dreaming about. It's free housing. It's the most prestigious (kind of writing I now do) publication in the country. And I'm going to apply. If they think I have a chance, I probably do. And I should try. But what if I get it. (Don't hold your breath, sweetheart).
I know Colorado was fine (I lived there for three freaking months)... But I missed Jimmy. I missed people I know. I met people, too, I met (roommate who I haven't spoken to in about four years). And I really love that girl. But... if I go to New York in January, that means I won't be with Jimmy until August, until we move to Carefree (a town in Arizona we once planned to move to for no apparent reason other than that it was named Carefree). That's if we both get internships, which I think we will. I'm not really afraid of breaking up... And I want to be a strong, independent woman. (Sure you do. Mmhmmm.) I think I am. But damn it, I really love that boy to pieces. Every moment with him is the happiest moment of my life.( Um, gag.) I know we have time, but I want all the time in the world. All of it. (Double gag).
Also, on a side note, what if we go to war? Do I really want to be living in NYC? (I guess I thought that NYC would be bombed. At least I understood that we were about to enter a pointless and misguided war.)
Also, on another side note, my mother called Carefree a pipe dream.(Maybe I should have listened to my mother.) My adviser looked at me funny today when I told him. But I don't get it. WHY CAN'T PEOPLE PICK A PLACE THEY WANT TO LIVE AND GO THERE? (Oh, child). My mom gave me a huge lecture on how I'll probably have good opportunities, and that I should take them. (Smart lady.) I agree, but I don't agree with throwing your dreams, pipe or not, down the fucking tubes. (Watch the language, missy. The point they were trying to make was, what kind of pointless dream was that?)
I'm going to Nebraska with Jimmy this weekend. I'm so excited. I had to find someone to take my Friday shift at the coffeehouse, and I'm going to put mad hours into work today and tomorrow. Then Thursday morn, we're off. A photographer and her friend are coming, too. And that's fine. I'm just happy Jimmy doesn't have to go all alone, and that we can go together. (We went to Omaha. It wasn't bad.)
I'm so lucky. I have this great, wonderful boy who I love so much and who loves me so much that it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. (Am I auditioning for a chick flick or what?) And I have job opportunities, people saying that I'm good enough and I've worked hard enough to go somewhere. I want both. I think I can have both, but man, it'd be simpler if there was only one side to me.